The Worst Thing that Happened to your Team in Week 13
Cincinnati Bengals
If you are a Bengals fan, you had to watch cornerback William Jackson literally move out of the way to let Le’Veon Bell score on a 35-yard touchdown reception where he ran untouched down the sideline. Check out the unusual play for yourself:
Oh my goodness, @l_bell26. #HereWeGo https://t.co/9paUIoQR4c
— NFL (@NFL) December 5, 2017
Unfortunately, linebacker Jordan Evans didn’t provide much help either, as he gave Bell a light shove before dancing out of Jackson’s way so they wouldn’t collide. Although the reason for this bizarre behavior probably lies in the fact that neither Evans nor Jackson wanted to get a 15 yard penalty for a late hit on Bell because they both assumed he was running out of bounds, this play is still absolutely embarrassing for the Bengals.
Buffalo Bills
Promising young cornerback Tre’Davious White got concussed because Gronk is a garbage human. Gronk essentially turned his 6′ 6″ and 265-pound body into a spear that he launched at the back of a prone 5′ 11″ and 192-pound Tre’Davious White. Truly an awful play that has no place in the game. While Gronkowski did apologize after the game for the hit, he will be appealing the suspension he received for it, per ESPN, so is he actually sorry?
UPDATE: Gronk’s appeal was denied
Things aren’t looking up for the Bills as Tyrod Taylor (a.k.a the most integral part of this offense aside from LeSean McCoy) was carted off the field with a knee injury. The Bills might have to play their next game with Nathan Peterman at quarterback. In case anyone forgot, the last time the Bills started a game with Peterman he threw 5 interceptions before the first half was over. Once Tyrod went out in this game, Peterman went 6 for 15 for 50 yards and no touchdowns. Good luck Bills fans. Per NBC Sports, Tyrod Taylor has avoided ligament damage and has been diagnosed with a patellar tendon contusion that will keep him day to day, and he is “probably on the wrong side of questionable” for week 14.
Carolina Panthers
This game was billed as a matchup between two 8-3 powerhouses in the NFC South, but the Saints ended up shredding the Panthers with a balanced and efficient attack that included 269 yards and a touchdown pass with no interceptions from Drew Brees, 85 yards and a TD from Mark Ingram on just 14 carries, and 60 yards and 2 TDs from rookie phenom Alvin Kamara on just 9 carries. The Panthers had the ball for nearly 7 less minutes than the Saints throughout the contest, were outgained by nearly 40 rushing yards, and were outgained by nearly 100 passing yards (167 compared to the Saints’ 252). The Panthers also lost the game 21 to 31 and now fall to second in the division and are only one game ahead of the Falcons in third.
New Orleans Saints
This woman’s lackadaisical response to Michael Thomas throwing her a ball after a touchdown:
Not trying to just hate on someone for the sake of hating, I just personally can’t get behind it. Can’t explain it.
Washington Redskins
The Redskins’ turnover issues and their joke of a running game made them so incompetent that they got destroyed by a struggling Cowboys team on a losing streak that didn’t have Ezekiel Elliot. The Redskins lost by 24 points while Kirk Cousins threw 2 picks and fumbled twice. Another stellar performance from an elite quarterback, yes?
To be fair, a reason for Cousins’ struggles is the Redskins rushing attack was totally inept as the ‘Skins only ran for 56 yards while the Cowboys rushed for 182.
Detroit Lions
The Lions were down by 20 points at half. But they made a miraculous comeback against the Ravens and got the game to 27-20… only to let the Ravens score 17 straight points and win the game on a heart wrenching pick-six by Eric Weddle. The Ravens only outgained the Lions by two yards but they won the turnover battle 3-0, which is the primary reason the Ravens came out with the win. Lions fans shouldn’t feel too bad about the loss however as this Ravens defense is one of the best in the league. The Ravens are now first in the league in turnover margin at +14.
Baltimore Ravens
Cornerback Jimmy Smith tore his achillies and will now obviously be out for the year. This is a pretty significant blow to a dominant Ravens defense. Smith was probably the most important player on this defense with the lone exception of Suggs. Although, the Ravens have some depth at corner as a result of them drafting Marlon Humphrey and signing former Cowboys CB Brandon Carr.
Los Angeles Chargers
Up until this past Sunday when the Chargers played the Browns, the Chargers secondary had been shutting down wide receivers all season. The only receiver who had more than 85 yards against the Chargers was Odell, until this Sunday. Josh Gordon hit that number on just four catches after not playing football for three fucking years, and Gordon did it on a shit Browns team with garbage DeShone Kizer at QB. Despite this embarrassing statistic, gotta give the Chargers a break here considering Josh Gordon is one of the best athletes in the NFL and considering there is a decent chance he is the son of God.
Cleveland Browns
This one is obvious: the Browns lost fucking again. The Browns are now 0-12 and are only four games away from putting themselves in history right next to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. The only thing keeping this season going for the Browns is Josh Gordon. The Browns seem to recognize this as well as on his very first play on the field since 2014 he caught a quick slant for a gain of 10.
Gordon lead the Browns in receiving with 85 yards on four catches despite Kizer missing him on a couple of touchdown opportunities.
Although the Browns have looked abysmal this season, they will probably get at least one win this season when they play the Bears in Week 16—who are themselves a struggling team with a 3-9 record—or when they play the Steelers in week 17 since there is a chance that the Steelers will be resting some players depending on their playoff position.
Seattle Seahawks
Russell Wilson needs some help on offense. The man accounted for 83% of his team’s total yards against the Eagles. Additionally, Wilson had to consistently deal with and evade pressure as the Seattle offensive line looked slow and confused on enough occasions for the offensive line to still be considered the major question mark still left for this Seahawks team. The Seahawks attempted to address their offensive line woes by trading a third, a second, and a fifth-round pick for Texans left tackle Duane Brown earlier in the year but pass protection continues to be a concern for the Seahawks. Granted, you have to give the Seahawks credit because they beat one of the best teams in the NFC in the Philadelphia Eagles by two touchdowns.
Philadelphia Eagles
That play where Carson fumbled at the one yard line instead of scoring a touchdown. That had to be the negative highlight of this game for the Eagles. Take a look:
Brutal.
A particularly troubling aspect of this loss is that their offensive issues from last year came right back. The Eagles ran an unbalanced and ineffective attack as a result. Jay Ajayi ran for 35 yards on nine carries while Blount had 26 yards on only eight carries. Meanwhile, Wentz threw 45 passes and an interception on a play that felt like a young quarterback trying too hard to make a significant play in a big game. Wentz and the Eagles will learn from this experience make no mistake, they are still a top NFC team.
Los Angeles Rams
Alec Ogletree left the game with an elbow injury after landing on his arm like THIS:
How did this happen? Well, the dumbass decided to do a front flip on a pick six celebration and use his right shoulder as a pile driver into the turf. Per Los Angeles Daily News reporter Rich Hammond, Ogletree has been diagnosed with a hyper-extended elbow and is considered day to day. The Rams currently have him listed as questionable. This is not exactly welcome news for the Rams, considering Ogletree is probably the most important player on this team aside from Todd Gurley and Aaron Donald.
Arizona Cardinals
The Rams blocked not one but two Cardinals kicks. One was an extra point and the other was a field goal. Had neither kick been blocked, the Rams lead would have been trimmed to just seven in the fourth quarter. There have only been 22 blocked kicks in the NFL this year, and for two of them to be in one game against the same team is a statistical anomaly that came at a pretty inconvenient time for a Cardinals team trying to climb back into the playoff hunt.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Winston looked like the most unathletic motherfucker who has ever take a snap on this embarrassing strip sack and fumble that was returned for a touchdown against the Packers.
Jameis actually played pretty well in the contest aside from this particular play, throwing for 270 yards and 2 TDs with no picks, but the game ended in gut-wrenching fashion. The Packers ended up taking the Bucs to OT and Aaron Jones ran it in for a game-winning 20 yard rushing TD on his lone carry of the game.
Sidenote: if you are a fantasy owner in a pinch in need of a quarterback you may want to consider sliding Winston in your starting lineup next week against the Lions. Winston put up 18 points in ESPN standard leagues in his first game back, and his matchup against Detroit is better than it looks. DeSean Jackson and Mike Evans are both fully healthy now, and this game could easily turn into a shootout between two talented offenses. Both offenses are pretty stacked at their skill positions. The Lions have Marvin Jones, Golden Tate, Theo Riddick, Eric Ebron, and Matthew Stafford. The Bucs have Winston, Jackson, Evans, Doug Martin, Cameron Brate, and Alabama product O.J. Howard.
Green Bay Packers
Although Hundley had success on the ground, he showed against the Bucs that he still has a ways to go in terms of his skills as a pocket passer in the NFL. Hundley finished with only 84 yards and a pick with no touchdowns on 13 completions. The interception he threw in particular was a terrible throw and a terrible decision. Hundley tried to throw a deep post to Jordy Nelson but the throw was late, high, and over the middle which allowed it to be intercepted.
Most fans know that a late throw high and over the middle is the cardinal sin of bad quarterbacking.
On the plus side, Jamaal Williams looks like a legitimate NFL running back. Williams finished with 113 yards and a TD on 21 carries. He has the speed and strength to match up with any linebacker or defensive back in the league. Before I am skewered for the sweeping generalization in that last sentence please take a look at these two Jamaal Williams runs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBselqL__XY
Denver Broncos
The Broncos dropped to 3-9 after losing to the Jay Cutler and the Dolphins, and their GM literally called the team an embarrassment. John Elway came out after the game and said he was “embarrassed” by the current Broncos season. Additionally, if you are a Demaryius Thomas owner… WHAT THE FUCK. Fuck this guy. He put up 18 yards two weeks ago and only caught 2 balls last week. The past two weeks have been key weeks determining playoff spots for most fantasy owners so those games probably cost many an owner their season.
Despite his recent dearth of production, the combination of Thomas’ talent and his role in the offense might still put him in your starting lineup this week. Thomas has received at least 8 targets in each of his past 3 games, and he is facing the woeful New York Jets this week.
Miami Dolphins
Yes, the Dolphins put up 35 points and blew the Broncos out; however, if you are a Dolphin fan you had to watch Jay Cutler start at QB. Remember, the Dolphins gave Jay 10 million dollars to come out and do this: (check out the bottom left corner on this play if you haven’t already seen this)
How not worth 10 million has Cutler played this year? The Dolphins are last in the AFC East, Cutler has only thrown for over 300 yards once all season, has thrown for more than 2 TDs once, and has thrown at least one interception in every game except for in week 10 and week 1.
Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs started off 6-2 but have now lost four straight. To top it off they lost this week against the at the time 4-7 Jets. While the Chiefs are still somehow in first in their division, they are unlikely to stay there for long as their losing streak has allowed the surging Chargers and Raiders to catch up. All three teams now sit at 6-6. The division is anyone’s to take with three weeks left in the season, but the Chiefs and Raiders face off this week and the winner will take a one game division lead.
Oakland Raiders
For a team looking to compete for the top spot in their division and compete in the playoffs, the Raiders certainly don’t look that good. They beat the 2-10 Giants by one touchdown, a victory that might not have occurred without a lucky play where Marshawn Lynch busted through the line of scrimmage and sprinted 51 yards to the end zone. It was Lynch’s longest TD run since 2014.
BEASTMODE!
😱😱😱 #RaiderNation https://t.co/pTu3Bng1ee
— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017
New York Jets
The Jets screwed up their draft pick by winning this game against one of the most talented teams in the NFL…like a bunch of jackasses. This young Jets team certainly has a lot of talent on both sides of the ball, but their defense needs a serious overhaul. The Jets defense let Alex Smith, Tyreek Hill, and Travis Kelce shred them the entire afternoon. Perennial white guy of the year Alex Smith had the longest run of his career against the Jets, making the Jet defenders look like they were playing with roller blades on.
He’s going, going, going, going …
Alex Smith takes off for 70 yards! 🏃💨 https://t.co/TgqsbtTA3C
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) December 3, 2017
Smith finished the game with 366 yards, 4 TDs, and no INTs. Tyreek diced the Jets for 185 yards and 2 TDs on just 6 catches, averaging 30 yards per catch. Kelce also shredded the Jets to the tune of 94 yards and 2 TDs on only 4 catches.
Chicago Bears
Losing by only one point to another garbage team? Sounds like probably the worst thing that happened. The Bears lost 15-14 to the 49ers this Sunday in a game where the Bears failed to put up even 150 yards of total offense. The Niners were also fucking 1-9 coming into the game. The play-calling in this contest was atrocious for the Bears as they only let Trubisky throw 15 times. Trubisky did well even with his limited involvement, completing 12 of the 15 passes and throwing a touchdown while throwing no interceptions. If the Bears want to expand on their offensive capabilities and win more close games like this one in the future, they need to learn to take the reins off Trubisky and let him play and learn. The 49ers on the other hand let Garoppolo (who started his first game for them) throw 37 times and he put up nearly 300 yards as a result.
San Francisco 49ers
The Bears are an absolute joke of the team and the Niners could only beat them by one point. On the positive side, Jimmy G showed talent and playmaking ability as he drove the 49ers up and down the field enough to win. Garoppolo threw for nearly 300 yards (293 to be exact) but threw an interception and no TDs. Watch out for this 49ers team next year. Once Kyle Shanahan has couple years to build this team around some of the young talent they already have (Goodwin, Jimmy G, Carlos Hyde, Matt Breida, Marquise Goodwin), this will be a scary team.
Indianapolis Colts
The Colts have now lost three in a row, are last in the AFC South, and have allowed the most sacks in the league, per ESPN Stats and Info. Most fans would agree that an offense that has allowed the most sacks in the league would be highly unlikely to be productive. The Colts’ issues this season rest entirely on the shoulders of poor offensive line play and defensive inconsistency. Jacoby Brissett has a rocket arm, decent mobility, and has proven he can make plays on an NFL level against strong defenses. There is a chance Brissett could compete for a starting job on a QB-needy team in 2018, but he has at the very least secured himself a backup gig for next year with his play this season.
Brissett aside, another interesting dynamic in the Colts’ season has been Frank Gore’s continued climb up the record books. Against the Jags, Gore ran for 61 yards on 13 carries and passed LaDainian Tomlinson for fifth-most rushing yards in NFL history. Frank Gore has been in the NFL for 13 seasons now and he is still a 5′ 9″ meatball of a human being that can somehow do anything an NFL running back is asked to do.
Jacksonville Jaguars
The T.Y. Hilton touchdown was embarrassing for safety Barry Church. All he was able to do was stutter his feet and then chase the back of Hilton’s jersey as Hilton raced to the end zone untouched. Peep it:
Untouched.@JBrissett12 finds @TYHilton13 for a 40-yard touchdown. https://t.co/J50bIw7tni
— Indianapolis Colts (@Colts) December 3, 2017
Aside from this one play, there was not a whole lot to be disappointed about if you are a Jags fan this week. Actually, there is not a whole lot to be disappointed about if you are a Jags fan in general right now. The Jaguars secondary looks like it might be the best in the league, Blake Bortles is playing surprisingly well, Marquise Lee looks like a legit WR1, and the Jaguars are tied with the Titans for first place in the division as both teams sit at 8-4. The Jaguars and Titans don’t play again until the final week of the regular season for what will likely be first place in the division or an AFC playoff birth.
Tennessee Titans
If you are a Titans fan and you own DeMarco Murray you were shit out of luck this week because Murray put up 8.9 points in PPR scoring. If you own either Murray or Derrick Henry you know that this is one of the most annoying time shares in recent fantasy football memory. Against the Texans, Henry magically went off for over 100 yards and a TD, scoring 17 points in PPR leagues. Henry had 17 points the last three weeks combined going into the game. Fuck this offense.
Houston Texans
The Texans have now lost 2 games back to back and still have no real shot at the playoffs with Tom Savage at QB instead of a certain rookie who was looking like the best quarterback of his draft class. The Texans rest at 4-8 right now, and while Savage isn’t that bad of a quarterback, the Texans offense just doesn’t look the same with this at QB
Instead of THIS:
New York Giants
Eli Manning’s consecutive games started streak was ruined for absolutely no reason. His streak was ruined so he could be taken out for one game just to be put right back in the next week? The Giants are also 2-10 and still one of the worst overall teams in the league for now.
Pittsburgh Steelers
I wanted to save this for last because this is on a more serious note than the rest of this article and the rest of this only slightly poorly formatted website. What happened to Shazier was one of the most serious injuries we have seen on the field this season, and I think I speak for everyone when I say everyone is hoping he makes a speedy and full recovery. Reports indicate he does have feeling in his legs now, and things are looking promising for his recovery. He is currently still in a Cincinnati hospital undergoing more tests, but Rotoworld.com reports that his doctors believe he could return to Pittsburgh by the end of this week.
